We pulled in the dirt driveway and you could hear the metal
chain clanging against the trailer and the crunch of metal every time the
wheels on the trailer hit each pothole. We rolled forward and then the truck
stops. I hopped out of the truck and looked around. The air smelled so crisp
and clean, it almost felt like it was a secret spot, untainted from pollution.
If you listened quietly, you can hear the water running
through the ditch. Just behind the rickety wooden fence was a worn out trail
into the woods. It reminded me of the movie wrong turn, you know, where the
young people get stuck and walk through the woods to get somewhere, inevitably
most of them end up dying, except for one or two. I had that feeling as I
started to walk up the worn dirt path. I glanced down at my cell phone and
checked to make sure I had reception, didn’t want to get lost in the woods and
not be able to call for help.
I started up the path and I kept looking back, there was the
truck and trailer and Chris. Okay, so far so good, or at least I thought.
As I continued along the path, I realized the trees were
getting thicker and the bushes were getting denser.
Then just a few hundred
feet ahead of me was an abandoned cabin.
The paint was peeling off the side and just hanging there.
The shutters, hanging by a nail, shifted in the breeze.
It was daylight,
nothing bad happens during daylight. I stepped up the stairs and with each
creak my heart started beating faster.
I quickly stepped into the cabin and it looked like a bear
ransacked the little place. There were a couple benches that appeared to have
been turned to kindling and broken glass strewn across the place.
I stepped a little further in the cabin towards the back and
that’s when all of a sudden a big gust of wind whipped through the cabin and
knocked the shutters right off. My heart was beating through my chest, I was
sure you could see it right through my shirt.
Interesting that in this one, as the dread increases for the protagonist, for this reader the involvement declined--it seemed like we know where were going long before we get there.
ReplyDeleteI preferred the more matter of fact grafs 1 & 2.