Graf 18: Progress Report on isearch

I need to tweak a few things, because the paper is not based on a medical diagnosis. It will change the questions and the answers to those questions a bit. I have found a few different support groups...need to figure out how to put that info in my paper....not sure if there is information worthy of mention, or just list as a resource? I have found several publications through google scholar that I had previously reviewed and those will help. I need to rewrite the background section and figure out what information to include here. I made need to start submitting these via email and not as blog posts.

Graf 14 isearch: Research Plan

My plan is to pull the experiences I have had together to formulate a series of obstacles that exists in relationships with an Asperger's partner. I will align them with stories or examples and research various articles from publications that indicate what can be done to overcome such obstacles.

It is important to me to not only answer the questions, but lay out some time of plan that is usable for someone in a situation similar to mine. I will try to get some insight from Chris, as to how he feels in certain situations.

I forsee a couple of issues, such as not find enough publications talking about Asperger's and how it affects relationships. It is not something you see a lot of information on.

I think that there will be several different websites that will answer some of these questions. It made be a couple that answer just one. I may have to tweak the questions and rearrange them to get a better flow.

isearch: What I Already Know About My Questions

Some preliminary research has proved helpful in a few different ways. I was able to determine that in Asperger relationships, the partner with Asperger's, often referred to as an aspie, has a difficult time establishing a romantic connection. This doesn't mean that they don't care about their partner, they just don't show it in a physical or emotional way. The aspie often needs coaxing, otherwise they state things in a matter of fact manner.

I know that it is important to enlist the help of your family and loved ones, as you will constantly need their love and support to help you through various challenges in the relationship. You also need someone to be a third party help. Someone who both of you can talk to, that will help you see each others' points. This can be a person locally, through church, or another third party individual. It is important to realize that an aspie thinks in an entirely different way.

isearch: Why I'm Writing

Asperger's is a huge part of my life now. I don't go one day without thinking about it. I think about it whenever there's a silly argument or Chris disregards that I might have feelings about something. I constantly am trying to realize that he is not capable of being like others in a relationship. There are things he can't figure out. Our relationship has changed, because our expectations for each other have had to change to be realistic of what each of us are capable of. It is important to me that our friends and family understand how Asperger's affects relationships. They need to know what challenges we face and how they can help support us as we face each of these challenges.

I want to answer questions in regards to how Asperger's affects relationships. What can we do to create a connection in our relationship, what can our families do to help, and what happens in raising a family. The scary thing about facing something that seems challenging is not knowing where to get information. I want people like me to know that there are answers and there are things you can do to help the relationship and make it work.

isearch: Background

We made it through a couple of months, in many relationships that doesn't seem to be a big thing, a milestone or anything report worthy. Actually in any other relationship I wouldn't think that it was a big deal, no other relationship is quite like this.

When you fought as much as we did, it almost didn't make sense to even be together. Fighting over little things that didn't seem to make sense were an every day occurrence. There were many things that just didn't make any sense.

One day there was a huge fight, a fight that had me so confused that I didn't know what was going on. I slid my feet into his slippers by the door and grabbed the trash and ran out to the garage. When I came back in I kicked the slippers off and slid them back into the corner. When Chris got home, he saw the slippers sitting there and one was a little out of place. Within seconds madness ensued. Chris began to have a bit of a breakdown. I have never seen someone come so unglued. I could see his face turning red and he started to sputter words like a lawn mower running out of gas.

I had always noticed little quirks and thought that they must be part of his personality. Although it was becoming obvious that these quirks were creating a hiccup in our relationship. Things started to get tense and I hit a wall. No one knew what was going on and I didn't know where to turn.

I was at church talking to a friend, who was studying for his master's in psychology, explaining to him the strange things going on at home. I explained that I noticed various quirks. I didn't know what was happening with our relationship, but there were always fights going on about silly things.

He thought about it all for a minute then he started to ask me questions about the quirkiness Chris had been exhibiting. As I told him more specifically what was going on, you could see his face light right up, he must've figured it out. Sure enough, all the quirkiness and family medical history proved it, Chris had Asperger's.

Intro 2: Contrast Essay

Have you ever looked at someone and just known from the second you saw them that you were two different people that would never get along? You look at her and you see someone who seems to have gotten lucky, had things work out so well, and you feel as though you could never get that lucky. Well, that is exactly how I feel about Megan. She seems to be everything that annoys me about life. The girl that can get herself in sticky situations and comes out even better than she was when she went in, that is Megan. She and I couldn't be more different. I'm committed, dedicated, motivated and working hard for every chance I get, she seems to get everything handed right to her.

Intro 1: Contrast Essay

She's smart, educated, married and also happens to be my arch nemesis. How does Megan earn this title? Well she earned this title by being overly involved in my life. She has graduated school, I still attend. She is married, I am not. She has a three year old and another baby on the way, I haven't made plans for children yet. What makes Megan so awful? That she assumes that she must be better than everyone, because she seems to have it all.